Soon. I looked up the definition of the word soon. I decided not to include the whole definition. It means, promptly, or shortly. There are several other words that you can use to define it. When it comes down to it, the word itself is nondescript. Soon, could mean 2 minutes, or it can mean in 2 months, or longer. I think that the word itself lets me know that something is going to happen in the near future. There is just no definite time frame to put on the event. Our family therapy session today indicated that an improvement in our family dynamic is happening, though for some that attended, it was harder on than others. One of my adult children said that, "It is just growing pains." I think that is an excellent way of thinking about it. We have planned to speak about another large issue that needs to be addressed next week, and then we will take a two week break. I think we all need the break.
As I have said before, these first two months of family therapy has been really hard. Put 4 adults in a room, who know each other well, then open up to allow them to one at a time share their concerns and feelings, in a healthy way, without going over the top emotionally, is challenging at best. Nelson and I had to decide from the first session that no matter what, we were going to drop our defenses and listen and take full responsibility for ourselves. I believe that the two adult children that attend, made the same decision. It is not an easy job to right a ship, and then turn it to go in a better direction with 4 people using oars. Families are not row boats. Families are ships. The larger the family, the larger the ship. There is no motor, no engine, just Nelson, me and my two adult children who attend family therapy with us. We have decided to pick up our oars and row. We all agreed about the direction that we want to go. We are beginning to get in sync. We will know more, next session.
Estrangement does a lot to put your family and relationships within the family under a microscope. When I married Nelson, I brought a particular brand of brokenness into our marriage. When Nelson married me, he did the same. Those issues, when they go unaddressed, cause more issues. I am not saying that all of our issues went unaddressed. I went to therapy, and have been in therapy for quite a while. We are humans and we make mistakes, especially when emotions get the best of us. Poor communications skills also enter the picture. No one really wants to change the style of communication that they use. It makes me feel ridiculous sometimes, using language that doesn't come naturally to me. I have just come to realize that it is important. The Holy Spirit has reminded me that communication needs to be gentle and kind. It doesn't need to criticize or accuse anyone. I am becoming more and more thoughtful about how I speak. Nelson is the best, and he is working hard to provide a safe space for me to express my feelings. I am doing my best to do the same for him, AND to not direct my emotional overflow towards him.
Soon. I trust that changes will happen sooner than later. I am handing the timing over to God. No matter what, I know that God promises to bless our family for generations when we honor Him. His, "Soon," is much different than my, "Soon." So for now, if you ask me if things are getting better, I am going to say, "Yes." If you ask, "When do you think this will get resolved, I am going to say, "Soon."
Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear your story. Nelson and I want to get to know you.
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