In this world of social media, pictures are a big deal. We are all OBSESSED with pictures. We work at learning the best angles, the right lighting, the best backgrounds. Do we use photo or portrait. What is the best photo? We are taught to make our photos interesting, let them tell a story. When Instagram first appeared on the scene, it was all about the photos. No longer do we just stand in front of a monument or building and snap the photo. There are tutorials on making a more captivating photo, one that gets attention and draws the reader/follower in. We want our photos to influence others, and make our lives and memories more alive. Out of all of this, what if we have photos that cause us pain and remind us of failures? Does anyone keep the photos of dating their ex-boyfriend or husband or wife? Do you keep those photos displayed? I bet the answer is, "NO!"
I had photos of all of my children hanging around the house, and displayed on shelves and walls. I was always so proud to see them. It made me happy to see all of my children smiling back at me. When my estranged adult daughter cut-off communication, most especially after she sent her email, I removed all the photos I had out that had her in them. I put them away. I still have them, I just stored them out of sight. I went from smiling when I saw them to being extremely sad and crying. The pain is too great. The pictures painted too vivid a memory of times that we were all laughing and enjoying each other's company. The words they spoke seemed false, as though I was looking at events that never really occurred. Like some of the photos I see on social media, they gave me the impression of a life that was never really lived. In the photos, I see lies. I want something new, something authentic, something that I enjoy with the life I am living now.
There is something to be said for a blank wall, or a blank canvas. You can sit and look at it, until inspiration comes to call. Inspiration always calls. The Holy Spirit has a way of speaking and letting me know what to do, and what will bring joy and honor to Him and to me. I want whatever goes on the wall now to tell the story of Nelson and me, and our life with God. My children are still important. I have photos of my other two children out. They remind me of why I need to improve. They help to motivate me to do the hard work, so that my family can get better.
I realize that to some, my taking my estranged daughter's photos down is awful. I think it is necessary. I want to get better. Her photos were keeping me stuck. Nelson and I want God's best in our lives, and to live, really live, and see the dreams and aspirations that God has placed in us come into fruition. I know that staring at photos that keep me living in mourning, anxiety and fear, will not help with living out God's purpose for my life. I wait for the Great Influencer to let me know what to hang now. I know it will be beautiful. Maybe, it will be portraits of my dogs! LOL.
I believe strongly that we all need to do what helps us to become healthier people, and healthier parents. If taking down the photos that contributes to sadness due to estrangement, then I think it is good to take them down. I love my estranged daughter. I want to reconcile. Until that day comes, I want to feel good about myself and my relationship with God and my husband. Now, when I post photos, I know they are really authentically me. That is worth having a blank wall, I know that it will fill back up again. I can wait for the best story to be displayed for all to see. That will be worth the effort!
Please remember that you are loved and enough. Please comment below. Nelson and I would love to hear your story.
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