perseverance
ˌpər-sə-ˈvir-ən(t)s
NOUN
continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition : the action or condition or an instance of persevering : steadfastness- Miriam-Webster Dictionary
I read the word perseverance in a Bible Verse today. " Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. " James 1:12 NIV
Seeing this verse, I knew God was speaking to me. He was reminding me to keep going and persevere under this trial. This heartbreaking situation. All I want to do is stay in the house and not go out. The opposite has to happen. I have to keep going and live the life I have been given. It is hard to stay motivated when you feel that your life suddenly and drastically changed, and it is all beyond your control. I know that I am not the same as I was a year ago. There are days that I feel like I am just so tired. Still, I find a way to go on, to rebuild and keep walking through this terrible situation.
Nelson and I are just in the beginning. We are learning and growing together. Tomorrow morning we have our 2nd family therapy session. This one will just be Nelson and me. I have no idea what will happen. The family therapist wanted to see us by ourselves, and then she wants to meet with our son and other daughter. I will know more in the morning, when we get to the appointment. Honestly, I feel like crawling in a hole. I don't want to crawl in a hole because I am afraid of going, I just feel so badly about the whole situation that I just don't know what else to do. The answer is this, fail and fail again. That is the story of perseverance. You fail, the you get up and keep going. You ask yourself, "What did I learn from this failure?" No matter what, I have to keep going, and working on the things that I love and make me happy. Although, I have to say, not much makes me happy right now. I wonder if I will ever feel happy again. I still have to work, and learn more music, and create more art. That is perseverance, to continue going, even when you don't feel like it. Even when you feel like nothing makes you feel better. You keep going and keep working at it, because you still have hope that eventually, you will feel better and you will find yourself happy again. That is perseverance. Doing something anyway, knowing that you are doing the right thing, staying on the right path, regardless of how you feel, regardless of how weary the road gets, or how discouraged you are because you haven't seen things work out the way you want them to be, yet. Yet, is the word. I keep going. Nelson and I keep going.
I think it takes the most courage to keep going in the face of heartbreak. I don't feel like I have the strength of heart to keep going, to keep singing, to keep living my life. Just because I don't feel like I can keep going doesn't mean that I won't keep going. I will. Even though I feel as though I am scraping the bottom of the barrel, I will.
This is how it is when you have an estranged adult child. Estrangement is a thief. It steals from you and tries to take away your confidence and your peace of mind. It is a tool of the enemy. I hate it.
I am thankful that God is good, and He reminds me to keep going and persevere. He reminds me that I have already overcome in this world. He reminds me that He will never leave me or forsake me, no matter where I find myself in this estrangement.
Please remember that you are loved and you are enough. We are praying for you everyday.
Comments