It has been quite a week. Last weekend, I had a student involved with the NC National Association of Teachers of Singing Student Auditions. It was her first classical audition, and she was the the Lower High School Category. She made the regional level. That is quite an accomplishment for a student doing their first classical audition. I am very proud of her. That started off the week. As the week progressed, I had doctor's appointments and a very important meeting mid-week. Both of which were extremely stressful. I ended up having two therapy appointments, as a result. I wanted this week to go differently. I always do. It rarely does. I would think that by now, things would be calmer. They aren't. Life just continues to rub me like steel wool on rusty metal. I have hope that one day, I will have all the corrosion scrubbed off, and I will be shiny, and in good shape. At this moment, it is not time for me to write about everything that went on this week. Some of it is confidential. Both of these situations are causing much stress and anxiety. I know that one day, they both will pass. On top of all of it is also the ongoing estrangement with my adult daughter.
If I were free to give all the details of everything that is going on, it would be a lot easier. Having to keep it all contained is very difficult. I really want to scream and cry. Both issues are unpleasant and frustrating. Not to mention, expensive. I wonder, at times, how Nelson and I are going to make it. Our life right now it filled with a lot of unknowns. We are walking, day by day, blindfolded. I am grateful that God is in control. I need to feel more of His presence right now.
The blessing in all of this, is that the problems we are facing at the moment, are much more pressing and important than whether our estranged adult daughter will speak to us or not. As much as I would like that situation to resolve, I am coming to realize that there are much more important things to deal with in life. The enemy is attacking us from all sides. We are being attacked financially, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Moving forward feels like walking through very thick molasses. At least I know resistance brings strength. I have to admit, I am scared. It feels as though, everything I have ever done and worked for was useless. I feels as though, none of it mattered.
There are just times that I get weary. I get tired of fighting. I get tired of feeling behind, and like I will never reach my goals. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer. Sometimes, you just have to speak what is circling round and round in your mind. This is a very trying time for us.
I have had some victories. I have 3 students advancing to the regional level. God provided a new service dog for me. His name is Big. I have lost 48 pounds on the journey to become Mrs. Tennessee America. These are all good things. I thank God for these blessings. Believe me, I am putting my energy into keep my eyes on Jesus right now. There is no other choice. Jesus is the only way we are staying above water. Times for us are very difficult at the moment.
I hope I will be able to reveal more soon. I will when I am able. Until then, please keep us in your prayers. We really need it at the moment. At this moment, I just feel like crying. I look forward to the day when there will be no more tears.
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