Self-Care is a subject we hear a lot about, and something I am terrible at doing. With all the therapy and family therapy, and things that I know to do, you would think that I would be an expert. I am not. I know what to do, however, I have not done much of it. I am ready to make that change.
Growing up, I was taught that I had to take care of everyone else. I had to make sure I always helped Mama. I had to make sure that I picked up all my toys and shoes, (I was 2). The reason I had to pick all of those things up, was because my father was totally blind. Daddy could trip over toys and shoes. Sounds reasonable, right? Until it wasn't. There were so many rules. Push the chairs under the table. Leave the doors all the way open, or all the way closed. Never sit in Daddy's chair. Wipe all the counters down so Daddy doesn't get stuff on his hands. Never move anything that belongs to Daddy. Come immediately when Daddy calls. Make up your bed the moment your feet hit the floor. Come home immediately after school (unless you have band practice). Band practice ends at 5:00 p.m., be home by 5:15 p.m. The table has to be set no later than 5:20 p.m. The list goes on and on. Everything was centered around what Daddy needed and what Daddy wanted. I had to serve at all times. After I grew up, there were still rules. Daddy had to know where I was at all times, even after I got married. Daddy also demanded a key to our house, so that he could come in and out whenever he wanted to, and he didn't like it if he and mama dropped by and we weren't home. Living outside of all of those rules was very foreign. I wasn't allowed to self-care. Self-care, seemed like a completely selfish, self-centered thing to do.
Now I am having to learn to self-care. I am learning how to breathe, and think about things I would enjoy doing for myself. I have to think about what I like, and how to have fun. It is quite a job. I have something that I have planned that I want to do, that will be a lot of work, and will help me to self-care. I have goals I want to reach and what I have planned will help me to spread my wings and go for those goals. I am glad that I have decided to do something that I think I am going to enjoy a lot. I am starting now. I have to get myself into really great shape. I am going to workout, lose weight, and learn to eat as healthy as possible. I am working on investing in me. Nelson and I are working together to reach our dreams and goals. I think it is the right thing to do. For the first time in my life, I am doing something just because I want to do it. I am glad for it. It is going to give me a really great goal, and allow me to be on the stage, and meet a lot of new people. I am looking forward to it a lot. I am not yet ready to let everyone know what I am going to do. I will when I am ready.
Part of becoming healthy is becoming physically healthy, as well as mentally and spiritually. I am working that out for myself. I see things getting better, inch by inch. I am doing the best I can do to keep reaching to become the best me I can be. I have had enough trauma. I want to have fun. It is time for that part of me to take over. I am looking forward to seeing where this takes us.
Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below. Nelson and I want to hear your story.
コメント