Navigating the complex emotions and uncertainties that come with family estrangement is a challenging and isolating experience. Estrangement has left us feeling lost and disconnected from our sense of self. However, amidst this pain and confusion, there lies an opportunity for self-discovery, healing, and growth.
Embracing Our Journey
Estrangement has often brought up a range of emotions, from anger and sadness to guilt and confusion. We have found it essential to acknowledge and validate these feelings as part of our healing process. In doing this we also have found that vulnerability is a very powerful aid in our communication and healing. By giving ourselves permission to feel, be vulnerable and express our emotions, we have taken the first step towards understanding and accepting our experience with estrangement. While none of this is easy, we are finding that the only way out of estrangement is through. Our daughter has still not made contact. That part is difficult. However, it doesn't take away our responsibility to do the necessary work to heal, move forward and improve. We do not want to be in the same place we were when this whole thing started.
Reflecting on Your Identity
Being estranged from Rachel has definitely made both of us question our identity and sense of belonging. It has been earth shaking and is testing our resolve to become better individuals. Nelson and I are both taking this as an opportunity to explore who we are outside of familial relationships. What values, beliefs, and interests define me as an individual? What values, beliefs, and interests define Nelson as an individual? We spend a lot of time talking and reflecting on our strengths, passions, and aspirations to rediscover the unique people we are created to be beyond our family dynamics. These deep dives are painful and exhilarating at the same time. There are endless possibilities to where this adventure can take us and we are working hard to meet the challenges of this journey through our faith in God, prayer, therapy and learning to take care of ourselves.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is a powerful tool in coping with the aftermath of estrangement. Learning to be kind and gentle with ourselves and each other is an absolutely essential part of our healing process as we navigate feelings of loss and grief. We have chosen to ask ourselves "What is a healthy practice for us as a couple and as individuals." What is healthy for us financially, what is healthy for us, mentally, what is healthy for us emotionally, what is healthy for us spiritually are all questions that we have to ask each and every time we are making decisions in order to support in each other. Practicing self-care activities is nurturing to my emotional well-being, as well as Nelson's. Whether it's journaling, meditation, or engaging in creative outlets that bring us joy, we are working to be patient and remember that healing takes time, and it's okay to prioritize self-care along the way. Nelson and I pray that our daughter is doing the same for herself.
Embracing Growth and Transformation
Through the process of self-discovery after estrangement, we have the opportunity to redefine and shape our own narrative. We are embracing the growth that comes from facing adversity and challenges head-on. We are using this time to envision a future filled with possibilities and new beginnings, where we are empowered to create a life that aligns with who we are as individuals and as a couple, and the values that we firmly believe in.
Estrangement can be Painful and Beautiful
Nothing can be born without discomfort and pain. However, the birthing process is also beautiful and full of joy. I have said it over and over again, this is very painful. It will be until the birth of something new comes into the world. We don't have time to dwell on the pain of the loss of our adult child due to estrangement. I don't want anyone mistaking this blog as us dwelling on the pain. We are expressing our pain, and describing the process of moving through the misery of it, and focusing on the beauty that is to come. It will come, it takes a lot of patience, self-care, introspection, humility, willingness to look at the good, bad and ugly in ourselves and make the necessary changes to become better people. Will Rachel ever know we have changed? I don't know. We can't work on ourselves for Rachel. We can do it because we want to see ourselves grow and be better. Everything happens in God's time, and His time isn't our time. We wait expectantly. In the meantime, we want to become the people He created us to be.
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