Today is Epiphany. Epiphany comes at the end of the 12 days of Christmas, and celebrates the visit of The Three Wise Men, who gave gifts to the baby Jesus. Epiphany means, "manifestation." Nelson and I leave our Christmas Decor up until the day of Epiphany. We celebrate Christmas all the way through the 12 days of Christmas. We are now taking our Christmas decorations down and putting them away for the year. This made me wonder...Now that Christmas is over and we are moving on in the month of January, what will this year bring? I pray that it brings blessings. Blessings in the way The Three Wise Men brought to Jesus. I am looking to God for those blessings. I know God wants to bless us. I am looking for those blessing to manifest. Epiphany.
Nelson's mother and I walked through the mall here in Chattanooga, a couple of days after Christmas, the stores were already putting out Valentine's Day items. It was so weird seeing all of that inventory going up, before we had really gotten past Christmas. Does anyone even buy anything for Valentine's Day before New Year's Day? I am sure the answer to that is, "yes." Is February really that close? It is shocking to me that September 2024 came and went. September 2024 marked a year that our estranged daughter stopped talking to us. February 2025 will be a year and 5 months. I don't always count it. I used to know the numbers everyday. Now, I just let the time slip by, and keep moving forward. When you can't do anything about your situation, and you are powerless to do anything, you focus on other things and move forward. Since she stopped talking to us, I have lost 37 pounds, and have been to Italy, and am planning to go back again. This time with Nelson. I started working in Nelson's office to help him, I became Mrs. Chattanooga America, I have taken on more students. I workout, and take adult ballet. I am learning to take care of myself.
I am learning to forgive, and let go. I have begun a new habit. Every time I think about my estranged adult daughter, I pray this prayer, Numbers 6:24-26, "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace." This prayer is a much better use of my energy, than dwelling on the fact that she doesn't speak to me. God is with me everywhere I go, and I am not alone. I want her to be blessed. I want to see her flourish.
I made some good decisions in regards to boundaries too. Anytime I see something on Social Media that causes me to stumble backwards and start thinking about how she doesn't speak to me, I just block it. Nothing good comes out of staring at it, and dwelling on it. I can't control anything that anyone else does. I can control what I do. I'm done with being offended by other people and their words and actions. I spent the better part of 2024 feeling sorry for myself, and putting myself through pain. I do not want that in my life anymore. I want to know that I attract good things, not bad. Epiphany, manifestation.
This whole estrangement has helped me to workout my faith. I have begun memorizing more scripture. That helps me to put God's Word in my mind, instead of the negative voice that wants to convince me that I am not worth my own effort, or anyone else's for that matter. I have started with Psalms 139. I want to be able to draw on God's Word all of the time. It makes a huge difference. Just like working out at the gym, my faith needs to workout too. Faith is more that just, 'believing," it is KNOWING. What I know is this...God is at work in this estrangement. I don't see or know how He is working, or what He is doing, or when He will end it. I do know that He is doing something good. Even if it doesn't happen the way I want it to happen, I trust Him. I haven't understood a lot that has gone on in my life. I am sure as you are reading this you feel the same way. I have tried and tried to understand the things that have gone on, and the things that have happened, including this estrangement. Nothing ever makes sense. That is where faith and trust in God comes into play. It is what is sustaining me. I don't have to understand. I no longer attempt to understand the estrangement between our adult daughter and us. I do trust God to walk with us, and take us through this situation.
I don't have it altogether yet. I don't think I will in this lifetime. However, the road that I am on now is better, and worth the work that it takes to walk it. I am grateful. Please keep praying for us.
Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below, Nelson and I would love to hear your story!
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