There has been so much trauma in my life. It contributed to an overwhelming sense of anxiety, panic and fear. Thus, I have Complex PTSD. Daily, I do affirmations, DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), and Bible Scripture memorization. I also do quiet time with prayer in the mornings, first thing. All of these things have assisted in my recovery from trauma. A year and a half ago, I had an emotional breakdown of sorts. Nelson was working at a job, where the boss/owner found ways to withhold more and more of the sales team's paychecks. He was constantly changing the rules. There wasn't much support for the sales teams from him. As a result, it was putting great financial pressure on us. I had worked for years and years to get us on solid financial footing, only to watch it caving in. It became such a weight. I wasn't sleeping. I wouldn't leave the house. I had trouble keeping my mind from succumbing to dark thoughts. I felt like a failure. Finally, the struggle became too much. To help us start over and gain better footing, we sold our house in North Carolina. I was scared, but relieved. We moved to Chattanooga, Tennessee. I was finally home. I had been wanting to move home for years and years. I never felt at home in North Carolina. As beautiful as the state is, for me, it was a nice place to visit, but I didn't want to stay. 27 years later, I was back home, where I wanted to live.
Right before we left North Carolina, is when the estrangement with our adult daughter began. It was seemingly the last straw for me. Trauma after Trauma after Trauma. It has taken many months to get my mind to clear, and in the right place. I have worked hard with my therapist and now, am beginning the journey with our family therapist. I can see the light and am beginning to see the end of the darkness. The sun is rising. The night has been long. I love the scripture, Psalms 30:5, "For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.' NIV. I am beginning to rejoice again. Though, my heart has shifted in regards to my estranged adult daughter, the shift has not been bad. It has taken away so much fear, and has brought me closer to God. My relationship with God and Nelson is my focus and goal. I also want a great relationship with my adult children. I am working on that, however, I also know that I am not alone in that goal. My adult children have to want a great relationship with me too. I know that 2 of my adult children want that, and for now, that is enough. One of my affirmations today said, "What I have today is enough." God's grace is sufficient. My concentration now is on growing in my God given purpose.
Today is a good day. I have much to accomplish on my, "To Do," list. I need to get going to accomplish that list. I thank God for the sun shining today.
Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below with your story, we want to hear from you.
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