I have not posted a blog in a few days. I refrained on purpose, there has been so much happening. Hurricane Helene devastated the area of North Carolina that my family and I lived in for 28 years. It affected friends and family. It put so much into perspective. So many lives have been lost due to this hurricane. So much has been destroyed. The volunteers are still working to reach people. That definitely needs to take top position in our thoughts and prayers. I feel that my little feelings about the estrangement from our adult daughter can be put on the back burner for now. Other people have lost loved ones. People are looking for the children. Children are looking for their parents. There are people missing. I have been observing so much pain. It certainly makes me take a look at what I have, and how blessed I am.
In the midst of this, a long time friend reached out to me. She had seen this blog. She shared her experience with estrangement with me. It was such beautiful blessing to have someone else say, "I understand, I have been there, I'm here, I get it." I am so very thankful to her. To know you are not alone is a great relief. I know that God is always with me. I know that God prompted her to reach out to me. It is God saying, "I am here, and I've got you." He cares for each one of us, where we are, in the midst of our pain. He is with each and every person working to help the people who were hit by Hurricane Helene. He is with each and every person that has been affected by the storm. Then, He is with me. That is the great thing about God, He is omnipresent. He can be everywhere, all at once. My friend told me that they are moving forward, and she and her husband learned to be fine and live joy filled lives, with or without their children. That is exactly what Nelson and I are learning. It is good to hear that from someone else. They too went to counseling and worked on their lives, just like us.
After something traumatic happens, we scramble for a sense of normalcy. We feel as though nothing will ever be right again. It is true that nothing will be the same. Just like with Hurricane Helene, the landscape gets changed. Even rivers changed their course. Trauma does that in our lives. Radical acceptance has to happen. We must radically accept that our lives have changed. However, that does not mean there can never be joy again. That does not mean that our lives will not improve, and get better. We have no control over the storms that roll in and wreak havoc in us and around us. It is how we respond to it that matters. I want my life to get better, so I must work on myself to improve, and forgive as much as possible. When our lives are destroyed and we lose everything around us, we get to decide what we want to keep and what we need to release. In the case of Helene, so many homes, possessions, and lives were taken. I do not know what the people have chosen to keep and release. The position they are in is beyond my understanding. I do know that it is still the choice that has to be made.
In our estrangement with our adult child, I have chosen to release the disappointment, regret, and anger. I have to choose to forgive. I have to choose these things, over and over, every single day. It is not, "One Size Fits All." Everyday, I wake up and know that I am still estranged from my adult daughter, and everyday, I choose to walk a different road, and concentrate on improving myself, living differently and forgive. Nothing will ever be what it was before. The good thing is that I know that I am not alone. There are others that understand my pain and have reached out to help and offer support. Just like those who are helping people who have survived Hurricane Helene.
Now, there is Milton coming to Florida. It is a bigger storm. We know it is coming. Pray for the people who are in its path. Be ready to let them know they are not alone. It will cause trauma, and those of us who understand trauma can help, even if it is simply to say, I am here, you are not alone.
Please know that you are loved and are enough. Comment below, we want to hear your story!
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