Over the past year Nelson and I have learned so many things. Some of the things we have learned, we actually wanted to learn. Others...no so much. There are times that you learn lessons because of circumstances that happen to you and around you. Yes, as a result of estrangement, we have learned a lot of things.
Tomorrow my son and daughter, (the one who isn't estranged), go to family therapy together. It is their turn to have a session alone with the therapist. In family therapy, the therapist needs to evaluate the parents, and then evaluate the siblings. Within a family there are multiple relationships. The relationship between siblings and the way they process and view information and situations they grew up in matter. Their experience in the household is very different than the parental experience. I have to admit that after everything that has happened, it triggers an anxiety response in me. I have no idea what will happen, or what will be said. Next week all 4 of us come back together. Am I going to get slammed? Am I going to be told how difficult it was for them? Is it going to be extremely painful? These are all things that go through my mind. Anxiety is caused by thoughts about the future. The "What if," thoughts that circulate in our mind. The unknown is scary. What I have found out is that my known God is loving and kind.
During this entire first year of estrangement I have prayed and prayed. The estrangement with my adult daughter has been terrible for my heart, and very helpful for my relationship with God. God is merciful. I looked up the definition of Mercy. In the Bible, Mercy means, "God's compassion, love, kindness, and forgiveness toward people." I have found His mercy in a hard situation that Nelson and I had to go through a couple of weeks ago, regarding this estrangement. The level of God's mercy was overwhelming, and represented in the heart of my son. I thanked God for how He used my son to show me that I cannot mess up enough to stop God from loving me. The love that pours out of the heart of God through my son is nothing short of amazing.
Nelson and I shared our heartache over the estrangement with our adult daughter with our Sunday School Class. We didn't go into great detail. We simply let them know what we are going through, and that one of our daughters has chosen to not speak to us. Ever since then, members of our Sunday School class have shown God's compassion to us, by just simply stopping us to say, "We are praying for you guys." God has surrounded us with goodness and grace. We need that right now. It is important to reach out and surround yourself with people who will love you and support you. No matter what happened, or what mistakes we make. Nothing is unforgivable. I can only be thankful. Truly, truly thankful.
I have always had big dreams and goals. Another thing that we have learned is not to let anything distract you from your dreams and goals. Not even your children. I have always had the goal to have 5 million dollars in the bank. I don't know why 5 million. I like to give to people. So does Nelson. I think, the Holy Spirit speaks this dream into our hearts so that we can give generously. We both love to give to others. Our dream is to be able to give and help other people who are in need. I don't know if 5 million dollars or $5.00 will do it. I just know that I will regret it for the rest of my life, if I don't put the work in to make that dream come true. I think it is worth the work. I have lived a life of without. I know what it is to struggle financially. I hate it when I hear my students have needs that I can do nothing about to help. I hate it when I hear about people that need groceries and electricity and I cannot just take the groceries or pay the electric bill. Or...the people who need dental work and can't afford it. The list goes on and on. We have the ability to do something about it and so that is what Nelson and I are determined to do, estrangement or no estrangement. When God places something in your heart to do, you do it regardless. Do we want our daughter to call us and our relationship to be restored? Yes. God has His own timing. If this heartbreak is what He is using to motivate us to reach the goal He has called us to, then so be it. His will be done. I could no longer sit still and cry and mourn. I have to stop mourning and follow Jesus, wherever He takes me.
I know that many people who read this are going through a hard time. Estrangement is terrible. I haven't figured out if the death of a child or estrangement is worse. I have lost a child. It is terrible. My child not talking to me and having no idea if I will ever see her again? It is terrible. Either way, my heart is broken. I want this blog to be an encouragement. I realize that some of the blogs that I have written aren't the most cheerful things to read. I am being honest. I write daily to put the hour by hour struggle that I go through as a parent with an estranged adult child. I write to tell the story. The ups and downs, the good the bad. I do it to not be alone. I do it to help others. The most important part is that I do it. It is healing and a source of relief. I write this blog out of compassion for Nelson and for me. I write this journey out of compassion for anyone else who is going through estrangement. Selfishly, I am writing to make sure I am staying on track towards financial blessings. I can look back and see how far we have come, how we have grown, and to see how God has answered prayers. Now, I am tired, and going to sleep. God bless.
Please remember you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear from you. We want to know your story.
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