As you may have read, last week's family therapy session was very difficult on me. Nelson and I can see that it is helping. We are using clearer communication in our family. We are gentler and kinder. There is a different approach when the aren't happy with what a family member says or does. Less accusing, more loving. Less criticism, more encouragement. Those are all good things. It doesn't lessen the pain that happens during family therapy. Being confronted with mistakes that caused others pain, is never fun, nor easy to hear. I am working on forgiving myself and moving forward doing life differently than before.
I need prayers now. I made a bulleted list of things that I need to discuss tomorrow. More likely than not, I will not get through the entire list. It is not going to be easy for me to talk about and express, which is why I made a bulleted list. God says to pray if you are anxious about anything. I am anxious. At this point, I feel as though I have cried enough tears to fill the Atlantic and the Pacific oceans. Most likely, I will cry again tomorrow. I have things to address that are not easy for me to address. However, if I do not address them, it will never get better. I am going to pray a lot today. I know that Jesus will be in the room with me. I am not alone. If Nelson and I have hope to have the estrangement end with our adult daughter, we have to walk this road and go through the fire, knowing God is with us in the fire. I ask for you, the reader, to pray for us tomorrow. Pray for peace to reign over me and my family. Pray for the Lord to remove the fear from me, as I go down my list. Pray for everyone to hear me and know that I love each and everyone of my family members with my whole heart. Pray that the Holy Spirit fills the room, and that we all know the love of God is with us. Again, tomorrow's family therapy session is not going to be easy for me.
I am grateful for the family I have, and can see that they all want to see things improve. I appreciate that they are all accepting where they messed up as well. I am thankful that all of us want the same thing, to see our family dynamic healthy and healed. I have always enjoyed my children. I want to enjoy them in adulthood as well. Other than losing my infant son, I have not had anything else this painful. I am so thankful that the compassions of the Lord do not fail.
Just this morning, I truly realized what the verse 2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV means, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness.' " I am very weak, especially right now. In my weakness, I see how many mistakes I made and the pain it caused. I am human. I also see, how our admitting our mistakes, listening to our adult children, and saying, "I'm Sorry," is healing to them. Allowing them to tell us face to face, and hear our remorse and sorrow, is a good thing, though it does not feel good at the time. Saying out loud the things that have hurt and caused me pain, and having it acknowledged, is healing as well. Becoming open and vulnerable, though not fun, is a great salve for open wounds. Listening, really listening, and taking in what our adult children are saying, is the greatest gift Nelson and I can give to our adult children and ourselves. I know that God is glorified by our weakness, so that He can enter, rebuild and show His great love and strength.
Please pray for me tomorrow morning. Also, please pray for our family. Please pray for our estranged adult daughter. I am praying that through the work we are doing in family therapy that she will hear from her brother and sister, about the changes that are taking place. I am praying that she will one day feel safe enough to come back. She ended her letter to Nelson and I with the words, "Until Then..." So, until then, I ask that you pray for her, and pray for my family.
Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear your story. Nelson and would love to hear from you.
#estrangement #estrangmentwithadultchild #familytherapy #therapy #mentalhealth #prayerworks #godisgood #prayforme
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