Since my estranged adult daughter sent her email, Nelson and I have had a lot of discussion. Through the wisdom of one of my sweet friends from my trip to Italy, we are taking the step to seek out a family therapist. I contacted my other daughter and my son, and they both agreed to attend family therapy with us. I am searching for a family therapist that can work virtually and in the two states that my family lives in. My daughter who is speaking to me, lives in Virginia, while Nelson and I, and my son live in Tennessee. It is a bit complicated because the therapist will have to be licensed in both states. We will figure it out. It is an important step for our family. The four of us need to work on our relationship skills together so that we can be a healthier unit. I am glad that my other two children agreed to work with us. That is a positive step in the right direction. Will it change our relationship with our estranged adult daughter? I have no idea. However, it will give us the skills the love one another and support one another in a better way, so if she ever decides to speak to us again, we will be better prepared.
It is so strange thinking about all of this conflict. We were never the family that screamed and yelled and fought constantly. There was no violence, drugs, or alcohol. Our children were a dream to work with, and I never had a complaint about them. They were loving and obedient. Not perfect, but not hard. As teenagers, they didn't stay out late, break curfew, party, all the things you expect a teenager to do. They didn't yell at each other, or call one another names. Now having a daughter who is estranged from us is really weird. Yes, we had stress and drama. My mother had dementia and lived with us for 10 years and we took care of her until she died. I was very close to my mother, and my husband and children helped me a lot. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard work and hard to watch her deteriorate. My estranged daughter was my main helper, and she stayed to give me support and help. During that time, I had another close family member to get in a lot of legal trouble and that caused a ton of stress as well. And we had a lot of financial stress that my husband and I were not on the same page about, so there were many stressful conversations. There was stress on top of stress on top of stress. It just about put me under. I'm sure at this point that all of that contributed to my daughter wanting to leave, and cut off all communication. We are very sorry we didn't hear her and see how much of a struggle she was having. I admit, I was too focused on my own junk. Realizing this now, we are going to family therapy. We said, "No More," we need to turn this around. We will do what it takes.
It is not easy to change. It is not easy to admit you screwed up, and maybe you weren't as good at parenting as we thought we were. Nelson and I are looking deep in the mirror at ourselves every single day. This is our next step and it takes courage. Today, Nelson and I had to spend a good bit of time untangling the knot of not being on the same page all the time. We started with what we have in common. We only focused on what we have in common and how we want to work on those things to benefit our relationship. In the end, we want the same thing, to have a joy-filled, healthy, thriving relationship, where we are able to reach our common goals and dreams. That was a good conversation. A great step in the right direction. Our main tool is listening. Really listening to each other. We will be taking that into family therapy with us. We are looking to take another positive step tomorrow. We have our plan for the week. Let's do this.
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