I am glad that everything we go through in life is temporal. Nothing lasts, except for our faith in God and His word. No matter what I am going through, it isn't going to last. Even when I don't know how long situations will go on, I know that they will not last. The past two weeks have been weird. I found 3 lumps in the left side of my chest...I went to the doctor. The doctor sent me for a Mammogram and an Ultrasound. It was normal. That is very good news. The lumps in the left side of my chest are still there, and there is some swelling with it. Today, I go to the rheumatologist. I am praying he will have some answers. While we are in this world, isn't there always something that goes on at the most unexpected moments? I think so!!
Nelson and I continue to move forward. The estrangement with our adult daughter has taught us to live our lives, despite the grief and pain. I admit, it has taken me longer to do so, than Nelson. Nelson is so great at compartmentalizing. I am not. I tend to rinse and repeat the pain that I feel. I am attempting to change the circumstance. That is a part of grief. Bargaining. It takes me a while to settle with the fact that what happens has happened and I have no power to change the outcome. Our estranged daughter is still estranged. I continue to pray, and take solace in the fact that this will pass, eventually.
What tends to dissatisfy me, is when other friends and family members show no compassion, and make statements that are disconnected. It is annoying. They are uncomfortable with the situation, so, they just sweep it under-the-rug, and want me to do the same in that moment. I truly believe they think they are being helpful. They are not. It is the exact opposite. They are leaving me lonely, rejected, and feeling abandoned. It also lets me know that they are not capable of dealing with the pain of another. I don't believe these people are even able to deal with their own pain. That is living in denial. I have given up talking with them about it. It isn't worth the disappointment in them that I ending up feeling. I have decided to not mention the estrangement to these people. I am grateful, for my closest friends. They are always there to listen and care. It is good to surround yourself with your closest friends, those that do not judge, and want to walk beside you, through the good and bad.
So...we continue forward. I am full blast into the preparation for the Mrs. Tennessee America. I have lost all the weight I need to lose. I am now just maintaining. I am down to a size 2-4. I have ordered my opening number clothes, or at least the top. I still need to get the pants. I have to order another pair of shoes. I have my interview outfit, and my evening gown is in its last phase of alterations. I had another fitting earlier this week, and she is taking the dress in a little more, and the hem up slightly. It is a beautiful dress. I can't wait to wear it. I am working on a video series called, "My Chattanooga," that highlights the heart of Chattanooga, not the beautiful scenery, the heart. It shows people who are working to help others, and the work that they do truly helps support the Mental and Emotional Health of those around them. Mental Health Awareness is the campaign I am working to promote, and support others in their journey. I will post the information where you can find, "My Chattanooga," below.
I am studying. I am studying how to improve myself everyday. So is Nelson. Living with an estranged adult child demands you improve if you want change. It demands you learned to become consistent in who you are right now and as you move forward. I have learned that one of the issues in estrangement is unpredictability. No matter how old we get, our children need stability from us, even when they are adults. That inspires me to work on myself every single day. It also requires that we do the work for our own benefit, not their benefit. Will it benefit them? Absolutely. That is the great thing about, "The Ripple Effect," it carries over to everyone around you. My improvement stems from God and God alone. I pray for my estranged adult daughter. I pray that she is working on her own healing and her own improvement.
I would greatly appreciate your prayers as I prepare for the Mrs. Tennessee America. I need prayers for balance. What I mean by balance is exactly what it sounds like! I am having to walk in 6 inch heels with a 2 inch platform. Since I have balance and dizziness issues, it is proving quite a challenge! LOL. Please cheer me on!
Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let Nelson and I hear from you. We would love to know your story.
You can follow my journey to Mrs. Tennessee America on YouTube @crystalmcdaniel-k5r
Instagram @mrschattanooga TikTok @mrs..chattanooga
#estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #mrstennesseeamerica #balanceinhighheels #mrschattanoogaamerica #mentalhealth #movingforward
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