It has been rough. I know that you know that, I am just saying it out loud. Our life has been ROUGH lately. I have been consistently going after my, "Thanks." That is something that we have to do. In all situations, we have to say, "Thank you," to God. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV says, "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I have known this verse since I was a small child. The Bible says, 'In ALL circumstances, not some, not the ones that are pleasant, but ALL circumstances." God is using all circumstances for our good, and everything He does is not to harm us, only to help us. We walk through the fire so that we can reflect Him. We are NOT alone, He is in the fire with us, just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Estrangement makes life rough. I have cried and cried and cried. At times estrangement brought me to my knees. I have cried out to God. God's grace is sufficient, and I give Him all the praise and glory for what He is doing in the lives of Nelson and me, my adult son, and my adult daughter. (It is hard to say adult daughter, because I do not want anyone to be confused reading this. The girls are twins, one is estranged, and the other is not). The one I am speaking of above is not estranged. Family Therapy is helping and we are finding an easier way to communicate with each other. This is all a good thing.
Today is a good day. Nelson and I went to his office, we had a good time working there. We then had to go to the Car Dealership to make some adjustments on my car. That was a relief to me. We had our dog Pippin with us, and as usual, he charmed everyone. Pippin is loving and friendly. Afterwards we went to Aldi, and I picked up ingredients to make a Chicken Enchilada Casserole. It was yummy. In the meantime, the Georgia Bulldogs won their game today. It was fun to watch. All in all, Nelson and I had a wonderful day together. AND it rained for a little while finally. It has been dry and hot! It was nice to see then rain. It was a drama free day, and I am very thankful. I am thankful to God for the peace of the day. I am thankful that even with all that has been going on, Nelson and I are finding a way through this hard road we are walking. God is walking us through.
Tomorrow, September 1st, marks a year. A whole year has gone by since this estrangement started. That is hard to believe. We saw our estranged daughter this past Christmas, for a total of 7 hours over a 3 day period of time. One hour at church on Christmas Eve, 4 hours on Christmas day, 2 hours at lunch the day after Christmas. We do not expect the same this year. I am planning on her not being here, especially after she sent the letter that she sent us. If she decides she wants to come, she is more than welcome. I am just not expecting it. Our new normal is living a life without her in it. I have handled the loss of a child before. This is not too much different. I grieved and grieved after Jackson died. A part of my heart went with him. God was with me then as well. It took time before I learned to laugh again, and smile again. Eventually, I did. Estrangement has the same effect. It has shifted my heart. There is a technique in my DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), that teaches what is called Radical Acceptance. It goes beyond just accepting the fact that my adult child doesn't want to speak to us. It is radically accepting the fact that there is nothing I can do. I cannot change the situation. It is ok to let go of her and live my life. I am still ok, even though my adult daughter is not in contact with me. Basically it is accepting things as they are, and then going beyond accepting them. I will say it this way, it is accepting acceptance. When you have Complex PTSD, it is a part of what you have to do. I have radically accepted that she is not in my life, by her choice, and I am good with that, I am more than good, I am living my life as fully as I can.
It is a good day. I even woke up this morning and thought, "Mornings are great!" I have never had that thought in my life. I am excited about my new life, I am excited about the adventure Nelson and I are on. We are watching God create something out of nothing. That is an amazing thing to watch. I also have something new I am doing that I can't wait to share. I have a few more details to iron out and then I will announce what it is!! Today is a really good day!
Please remember that you are loved and enough. Make sure to comment below, Nelson and I want to hear your story.
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