Lately I have been given a plethora of opportunities to be patient. Patience is difficult. I want solutions now. I want the estrangement to be over and the problems to be solved right now. Apologies don't solve the problem. Only God can solve the problem. There is power in prayer. Waiting takes patience. Waiting is expecting something is going to happen. I pray everyday and wait. God says to wait on Him. Waiting patiently is active. It is not just sitting still. There are a lot of things we can do while we wait.
While we are waiting we are in Family Therapy. I am learning that I have a long way to go. My tolerance for this painful work is low. When we go this Wednesday, I have the opportunity to resolve a situation between my non-estranged adult daughter. I am praying that God guides me to be solution oriented and helps me to intentionally listen to my daughter. I pray that her heart, mind, and ears will be open to intentionally listen to me. I am praying for God to intervene and help us both come up with forgiveness and compromise. We have a lot to work on. I am praying for the Holy Spirit to give me the words to communicate clearly with her. This is very definitely the hardest emotional work I have ever done. I am sure it is the hardest emotional work we all have ever done.
I was out of town for a couple of days to work with students in North Carolina. While I was there, I visited with a close friend, whose mother is in hospice care. She helped me when my mother was dying, and I want to show up for her. I was describing to her the hard emotional time that it is, especially to hear your children tell you how you hurt them. I told her it was wrenching to know that I unintentionally made decisions as a parent that left them hurt. I explained how both Nelson and I had listened and heard with hearts hurting due to the pain we had inflicted, though unintentional. No one comes out of childhood unscathed. It breaks my heart to know that I have ever caused them one minute of pain. I told her about my parenting mistakes, and how Nelson and I had told them how sorry we were, and how, if we had to do it again, knowing what we know now, we would make different decisions. My friend then commented to me that she sure wished she had gotten that type of response from her mother, and now she won't. It gave me a completely different perspective. I am glad she said that to me. It made me happy to know that no matter how painful it is to go through these things in Family Therapy, that it is needed for my children to have the chance to talk to us and listen to us apologize, validate their feelings, and hear them communicate it. It also has taught me to never do those things again. Although, I wouldn't due to the fact that they are adults now. I do have new awareness to be more thoughtful and intentional about my reactions and decisions, and to step away when I know I am reacting emotionally to a situation. I am going to have to remember that this Wednesday in Family Therapy.
I am doing research and learning how to communicate clearly, to actively listen, and to acknowledge the other person and their feelings. I also am learning how to express how I feel, in a calmer way. I am learning to stay away from criticism, and to use encouraging language. I am going to make a plan before Wednesday with goals for the session. I pray God blesses the plan and the goals. I will be writing all my points down, in order to communicate clearly. This is the best I can do. The rest is up to God. The I wait to see what He is going to do.
Waiting...We have the choice to wait with a good attitude, or a bad one. I pray for the Lord to fill me with a good attitude. I'm not going to lie, I am scared. Family Therapy has been no picnic. I have shared it over and over. Family Therapy is painful. I do not look forward to being there, yet I show up. My desire to see my family heal, is stronger than my fear of the pain that I go through while I'm there. It is what is best for my family. I pray for strength and endurance. Then, I wait.
Please remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear your story. Nelson and I are waiting to hear from you.
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