I honestly do not know where we go from here. I do not think Nelson knows either. I really don't think that anyone knows. Right now we are living one day at a time and doing the very best that we can. Sounds bleak, right? It isn't. I think that we are finally at a point in this strange estrangement that we can write something new. We are entering a new space and walking a new path. We have no idea where this new path is going to lead us. It is scary and exciting at the same time. We are learning that we can live full lives, filled with love and laughter, and joy without our estranged adult daughter.
Right now, I am at Nelson's office. Nelson is a Health Insurance Agent. He used to tell me that he did NOT want to sell health insurance. Be careful what you say. Now, we are sitting in his office, contacting people, and helping people find the best coverage for themselves and their families. The people here are fun, and the atmosphere is nice. Not much drama, just people working hard towards their personal goals, just like us. I like everyone here, and I like assisting Nelson. That was his idea. In the struggle of our adult daughter choosing to cut off communication with us, I was very depressed. Nelson thought it would be a good idea for me to come in and assist him. I started coming to the office with him. I found I like it. I like being around people who care, and want to do the best job they can. I still have my students, and teach. I still sing. I think all of this work is good for me. Along with training for Mrs. Tennessee America. I enjoy doing that as well.
The fog has lifted from my depression. Although, I still get anxiety. I had a lot of anxiety today. It comes and goes. At least it is not coming because I feel that losing my adult daughter is a tragedy. I am finding it is not. A tragedy is what happen to Western North Carolina, during Hurricane Helene. My adult daughter deciding to stop communicating with us, is a bump in the road. I am learning to put it in perspective. If I look at it from an eternal view, this isn't even a blip on the radar. God knows what He is doing. My trust is in Him.
I have spent a lot of time breathing today. I breathe slowly in for a count of 5, then out for a count of 5. I do that for 5 minutes, when my anxiety is high. Today, it was bugging me. I found myself holding my breath a good bit, as I dialed the phone. Then, I told myself, all is ok in my world. God loves me and is always by my side, leading me through every part of my life. I am grateful. He holds me in the palm of His hand.
I still do not know where we go from here. Tomorrow will be a different day. I will take a breath, take a step, and trust God. The good part is that God and I are never estranged.
Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let Nelson and I hear from you. We want to know your story.
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