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Nelson and I have healed a lot since this whole estrangement began with our adult daughter. We have begun to laugh again, and have normal conversations that don't have anything to do with her. Nelson encourages me in my journey towards becoming Mrs. Tennessee America, and I encourage him in his work at his Health Insurance Office. We are working on ourselves and our relationship. No matter what, there is always a point every single day, when she enters my mind. She is always there, even if she isn't in the front of my thoughts at the time. She is my daughter, and I love her. I do not like what she is doing right now, however, it does not stop me from loving her. The memories are the hardest. She was the daughter that always wanted to sit with me. She traveled with me, she loved my purse. She told me that Mommy's purses are magical. She said that mommy purses always had everything you ever need in them. She said that she knew that I would always fight for her and come for her. When she cut us off, and asked that we don't communicate with her in any way, it made everything feel false. Did she ever mean anything she said? I heard today, on a podcast, that we can have two different emotions at the same time. I know that is true. The podcaster said that sometimes, your child feels all the love for you, however, there is a part of them that is not expressing the other emotion that they also have going on underneath. It causes me pain to know that she is holding on to something that is bothering her, and that she will not express it, and let us know. Did she feel that we were too immeshed? Maybe so. Did she feel she couldn't be herself? That is probably part of it too. I do not know. I only know that I have these memories of a family, that I no longer have. Her decision has changed our family. I know that God will work this out for our good. I can tell that is what He is doing. It doesn't stop it from being overwhelmingly painful, and traumatizing. The doubt that this estrangement has brought into my life is almost tangible. I doubt every memory that I have in my mind. At times, I don't believe any of it was real. I know what we did, and what we said. I can still hear her saying, "I love you." I just doubt that she is telling the truth. I heard on the podcast that an estranged child can love their parents, but just need time on their own to grow and learn, without feeling obligated to speak, or be involved, or be around their parents at all. I know that I will never be able to understand her choosing this path. I have to continue to tell myself that it is ok that I never understand. I don't have to understand, I just need to love her. I admit, after being hurt so much by her, I doubt myself on that level as well. This estrangement has scrambled my brain and my heart. Even though I am doing better, it is not easy to get better. The hardest part of it all? I cannot fight for her. I have learned, "Be Still and Know that I am God." I know God will fight for me. I absolutely am powerless. I pray, because prayer has power. I don't. I have faith in God. Even harder, is knowing that it is all in God's timing and God's plan. His ways are better and higher than mine. As much as I want this estrangement to end in my lifetime, I don't know that it will. There is no assurance. Left with nothing more I can do, I leave it to God. I have to leave my heart to God. I place my life in His hands, and I give my estranged adult daughter over to Him as well. If feel the tears well up in my eyes right now, knowing that I may never hear her voice, or see her again, and that has to be ok, because I trust God. Do I doubt God in this situation? Yes! I am human, and I want it my way. i have completely learned that there is no, "my way," in an estrangement. I only have one choice, and that it to place all of my trust in God, no matter what. It is extremely painful. I am changed, Nelson is changed, our other two adult children are changed, our family is changed. In a blink of any eye. Nelson and I are finding our footing. It is difficult. We are doing better, as I said earlier. We are not on solid ground yet. We will be, one day. I just pray that, "one day," is going to come sooner than later. I am working on not looking back at the memories. What was is no more. Nelson and I are working on making new ones. I pray God's blessing on us, so that the new memories are trustworthy, and do not leave me in doubt. That is my prayer. Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #memoriescanbepainful #helpmeovercomemydoubt #godisgood #mentalhealth

I am glad that everything we go through in life is temporal. Nothing lasts, except for our faith in God and His word. No matter what I am going through, it isn't going to last. Even when I don't know how long situations will go on, I know that they will not last. The past two weeks have been weird. I found 3 lumps in the left side of my chest...I went to the doctor. The doctor sent me for a Mammogram and an Ultrasound. It was normal. That is very good news. The lumps in the left side of my chest are still there, and there is some swelling with it. Today, I go to the rheumatologist. I am praying he will have some answers. While we are in this world, isn't there always something that goes on at the most unexpected moments? I think so!! Nelson and I continue to move forward. The estrangement with our adult daughter has taught us to live our lives, despite the grief and pain. I admit, it has taken me longer to do so, than Nelson. Nelson is so great at compartmentalizing. I am not. I tend to rinse and repeat the pain that I feel. I am attempting to change the circumstance. That is a part of grief. Bargaining. It takes me a while to settle with the fact that what happens has happened and I have no power to change the outcome. Our estranged daughter is still estranged. I continue to pray, and take solace in the fact that this will pass, eventually. What tends to dissatisfy me, is when other friends and family members show no compassion, and make statements that are disconnected. It is annoying. They are uncomfortable with the situation, so, they just sweep it under-the-rug, and want me to do the same in that moment. I truly believe they think they are being helpful. They are not. It is the exact opposite. They are leaving me lonely, rejected, and feeling abandoned. It also lets me know that they are not capable of dealing with the pain of another. I don't believe these people are even able to deal with their own pain. That is living in denial. I have given up talking with them about it. It isn't worth the disappointment in them that I ending up feeling. I have decided to not mention the estrangement to these people. I am grateful, for my closest friends. They are always there to listen and care. It is good to surround yourself with your closest friends, those that do not judge, and want to walk beside you, through the good and bad. So...we continue forward. I am full blast into the preparation for the Mrs. Tennessee America. I have lost all the weight I need to lose. I am now just maintaining. I am down to a size 2-4. I have ordered my opening number clothes, or at least the top. I still need to get the pants. I have to order another pair of shoes. I have my interview outfit, and my evening gown is in its last phase of alterations. I had another fitting earlier this week, and she is taking the dress in a little more, and the hem up slightly. It is a beautiful dress. I can't wait to wear it. I am working on a video series called, "My Chattanooga," that highlights the heart of Chattanooga, not the beautiful scenery, the heart. It shows people who are working to help others, and the work that they do truly helps support the Mental and Emotional Health of those around them. Mental Health Awareness is the campaign I am working to promote, and support others in their journey. I will post the information where you can find, "My Chattanooga," below. I am studying. I am studying how to improve myself everyday. So is Nelson. Living with an estranged adult child demands you improve if you want change. It demands you learned to become consistent in who you are right now and as you move forward. I have learned that one of the issues in estrangement is unpredictability. No matter how old we get, our children need stability from us, even when they are adults. That inspires me to work on myself every single day. It also requires that we do the work for our own benefit, not their benefit. Will it benefit them? Absolutely. That is the great thing about, "The Ripple Effect," it carries over to everyone around you. My improvement stems from God and God alone. I pray for my estranged adult daughter. I pray that she is working on her own healing and her own improvement. I would greatly appreciate your prayers as I prepare for the Mrs. Tennessee America. I need prayers for balance. What I mean by balance is exactly what it sounds like! I am having to walk in 6 inch heels with a 2 inch platform. Since I have balance and dizziness issues, it is proving quite a challenge! LOL. Please cheer me on! Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let Nelson and I hear from you. We would love to know your story. You can follow my journey to Mrs. Tennessee America on YouTube @crystalmcdaniel-k5r Instagram @mrschattanooga TikTok @mrs..chattanooga #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #mrstennesseeamerica #balanceinhighheels #mrschattanoogaamerica #mentalhealth #movingforward

It has been quite a week. Last weekend, I had a student involved with the NC National Association of Teachers of Singing Student Auditions. It was her first classical audition, and she was the the Lower High School Category. She made the regional level. That is quite an accomplishment for a student doing their first classical audition. I am very proud of her. That started off the week. As the week progressed, I had doctor's appointments and a very important meeting mid-week. Both of which were extremely stressful. I ended up having two therapy appointments, as a result. I wanted this week to go differently. I always do. It rarely does. I would think that by now, things would be calmer. They aren't. Life just continues to rub me like steel wool on rusty metal. I have hope that one day, I will have all the corrosion scrubbed off, and I will be shiny, and in good shape. At this moment, it is not time for me to write about everything that went on this week. Some of it is confidential. Both of these situations are causing much stress and anxiety. I know that one day, they both will pass. On top of all of it is also the ongoing estrangement with my adult daughter. If I were free to give all the details of everything that is going on, it would be a lot easier. Having to keep it all contained is very difficult. I really want to scream and cry. Both issues are unpleasant and frustrating. Not to mention, expensive. I wonder, at times, how Nelson and I are going to make it. Our life right now it filled with a lot of unknowns. We are walking, day by day, blindfolded. I am grateful that God is in control. I need to feel more of His presence right now. The blessing in all of this, is that the problems we are facing at the moment, are much more pressing and important than whether our estranged adult daughter will speak to us or not. As much as I would like that situation to resolve, I am coming to realize that there are much more important things to deal with in life. The enemy is attacking us from all sides. We are being attacked financially, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Moving forward feels like walking through very thick molasses. At least I know resistance brings strength. I have to admit, I am scared. It feels as though, everything I have ever done and worked for was useless. I feels as though, none of it mattered. There are just times that I get weary. I get tired of fighting. I get tired of feeling behind, and like I will never reach my goals. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer. Sometimes, you just have to speak what is circling round and round in your mind. This is a very trying time for us. I have had some victories. I have 3 students advancing to the regional level. God provided a new service dog for me. His name is Big. I have lost 48 pounds on the journey to become Mrs. Tennessee America. These are all good things. I thank God for these blessings. Believe me, I am putting my energy into keep my eyes on Jesus right now. There is no other choice. Jesus is the only way we are staying above water. Times for us are very difficult at the moment. I hope I will be able to reveal more soon. I will when I am able. Until then, please keep us in your prayers. We really need it at the moment. At this moment, I just feel like crying. I look forward to the day when there will be no more tears. Please remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us from you, we want to know your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #fallenonhardtimes #needyourprayers #supportoneanother

The World's Tallest Rollercoaster. Watch the full video! I posted a video with this blog. This is a video of people riding the tallest roller coaster in the world. The man in front is enjoying every single moment. At the end, he calls it, "AMAZING!" My husband, Nelson, would call it that as well. He loves to ride rollercoasters. Going down the largest hills, he lifts his feet up, and his arms, just to experience a moment of zero gravity. I stay on the ground. I am terrified of heights. I can ride the roller coasters that loop. I absolutely will not ride the tall ones. Now that my left inner ear is dead, I cannot ride any of them. I causes too much vertigo. This is also the way I feel estrangement from my adult child has affected me. Life is a roller coaster. It goes up and down, and up and down. At times, it is terrifying. I am reading a book by the author, Lysa Terkheurst, called, "I Want to Trust You, But I Don't." In it there is an amazing quote that she writes, "We fear what we cannot control." I cannot control the things in life that send me plummeting to the ground. I feel the butterflies in my stomach, I cannot breathe, I know that it is all man made, and therefore not perfect, and could break or fail at any moment. I forget that God is involved, and I struggle to trust and He is going to catch me. I struggle to know that He is not going to let me stumble. The panic and fear and anxiety take over; it feels as though I am not going to survive. That part of my life is not fun. It is exhausting. So much is out of my control. It seems as though the surprises never end. I don't mean, "good," surprises either. Trust is so hard. I am learning to trust myself again. I am learning to trust others as well. Most of all, God is proving himself trustworthy. In the past week, I learned that I was born with a progressive vascular disease. I thank God that we found it. I was at the Rheumatologist and he ordered some x-rays, and that is how they found it. I went for a CT Scan. The finding were good and concerning. My heart has not been affected. That is good. The blood vessels around the heart have been affected. The damage is on the border of mild to moderate. Thankfully we did the CT Scan and caught it before it was too late. The damage cannot be reversed, but the progression can be slowed with medication. That is the route we are taking. During this process, I thought it necessary to inform my adult children, who are speaking to me. I also felt it appropriate to speak to their dad. He was of the opinion that my estranged adult daughter needed to be told. I gave him my permission to do so. He called her. He told me she was, "Sad and Concerned." I really don't know what that means. I'm not going to either. From my perspective, if I had learned about a health condition about my mother, I would have called to check on her. However, that is my perspective, not hers. I do not know what she thinks, feels, or what her perspective is. That is the whole thing, each person has their own view point. What I may see from where I am standing, is not what you may see, even if you are standing right beside me. How many times have we had to switch places with someone, in order for them to see what you are seeing? It is the same thing with her. This is all a part of the rollercoaster of life. When I heard how she had reacted, I was disappointed. I completely realize that in the end, my disappointment is valid, however, not relevant to the situation. I guess you can tell from what I am writing, there was no phone call from my estranged adult daughter. It doesn't mean she doesn't care. (At least, I remind myself of that over and over and over). It means she is not ready. What will it take for her to be ready? I have no clue. So...I continue to ride the rollercoaster. Nelson and I will move forward, as all married couples do when their adult children leave the house to build their own lives. Just like they have dreams that they want to accomplish, so do we. Now, I have a renewed purpose. If I have disease that is progressive, I am going to live my life as wide open as I can, for as long as I can. I am going to work on my bucket list, and start marking things off. I am going to be more intentional about caring for others. I am going to enjoy more moments. That is the best I can do. It is the best any of us can do. Do I still feel like there is a hole in my heart and life? Yes. I have two, one for my son, Jackson, and one for my estranged adult daughter. I pray everyday for grace, for mercy, for healing, for her, for Nelson, for my other two adult children, for you, for the world we live in right now. We have no time to waste. Life is just too short. Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear your story. Nelson and I would love to hear from you.

Our Son got married this past Saturday morning. He and his fiance' decided very quickly that they were going to go ahead and get married. We had about 10 days to put this event together. They wanted it small. So, surrounded by the people they love the most, we watched them dedicate their lives together before God. It was a beautiful service and a beautiful day for them, and for our friends and family. It was very special. Nothing fancy, very casual, but beautiful. I felt very proud of my son. What a great day to celebrate for him. Since the wedding happened so quickly, his sisters had to FaceTime in for the service. Nelson and I stayed away from the phone on which they FaceTimed. We both wanted the day to focus completely on Jacob, with no negativity. That is exactly what occurred. Our estranged daughter had put herself on mute and just listened. I was grateful that she was respectful enough to not be heard. I feel that it was considerate, and that she didn't want to get upset anyone by hearing her voice. I could be reaching, and that is not the reason at all. She could have been concerned that her dog would bark. LOL. I am going to go with my first idea. As time goes by, I am becoming more and more accepting of this estrangement. Little by little, I am loosening my grip on the pain and focusing my efforts on other things. I am getting a new service dog, we pick him up tomorrow. His name is Mr. Big T2. He is beautiful, and I can't wait to have him home after his training. I have been working hard as Mrs. Chattanooga America. I have lost 42 pounds and I think I am a size 2, (I am wearing size 4 jeans today, and they are baggy). My "Platform," that I am representing, and will be representing for a long time, is Mental Health Awareness. I am involved with 2 organzations, one is called, "Fortunate Sons," deploymenttherapy.com/fortunate-sons , https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61556751516897&mibextid=wwXIfr&rdid=crJHMqFZAwkOFnMY&share_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fshare%2F1524i5zvht%2F%3Fmibextid%3DwwXIfr# . The other is, "Reboot Recovery, Overcoming Trauma Together," https://rebootrecovery.com . I will be participating in the Reboot Recovery 12 week program, then training with them to become a Reboot Recovery group leader. I have started a GoFundMe, to raise funds for the Mrs. Tennessee America competition and for each of these organizations. I am dividing the funds 50/50. You can go to my GoFundMe and donate. I would love the support! I will put the link for my GoFundMe at the bottom of the this blog. I love to help people. I am filming a series of interviews with people here in Chattanooga that are doing things to support and help others, and how that helps the Mental Health of the people they work with. It is entitled, "My Chattanooga." I want to highlight the actual heart of Chattanooga, which is what makes it special. It is a beautiful city. It is not just beautiful on the outside. It is also, beautiful on the inside, because of the people. I was doing it for TikTok, however, since TikTok is up in the air. I will be posting it on other platforms, such as, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. Stay tuned for where you can watch it. I will be doing it as Mrs. Chattanooga America. Helping others is the best way to help yourself focus on something positive. When you are going through something hard, the best way to combat the enemy is to memorize scripture and go out and help someone other than yourself. Hard times can make your focus inward, and cause depression. Get up, get out, and show love to someone else. Get out of your own head. Remember, the battlefield is in the mind. Ephesians 6:12 NIV, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." My battle is not with my estranged daughter. It is against the enemy. Live in the victory that Jesus gave us, not in defeat. Estrangement hurts. God is good. Estrangement separates family, exactly what the enemy wants, God is still good. Extraordinary, good things are coming my way, and are coming your way. Commit to God, give Him all you have, love Him with all your heart, mind, and soul. Don't just believe, KNOW, that when you can't, when you have no control over your circumstance, GOD CAN, and is working for your good. https://gofund.me/d363f40f . My GoFundMe Remember you are loved and enough. Please comment below, Nelson and I would love to hear from you! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #givetoothers #fortunatesons #rebootrecovery #traumarecovery #liveinvictory #godisgood

Today is Epiphany. Epiphany comes at the end of the 12 days of Christmas, and celebrates the visit of The Three Wise Men, who gave gifts to the baby Jesus. Epiphany means, "manifestation." Nelson and I leave our Christmas Decor up until the day of Epiphany. We celebrate Christmas all the way through the 12 days of Christmas. We are now taking our Christmas decorations down and putting them away for the year. This made me wonder...Now that Christmas is over and we are moving on in the month of January, what will this year bring? I pray that it brings blessings. Blessings in the way The Three Wise Men brought to Jesus. I am looking to God for those blessings. I know God wants to bless us. I am looking for those blessing to manifest. Epiphany. Nelson's mother and I walked through the mall here in Chattanooga, a couple of days after Christmas, the stores were already putting out Valentine's Day items. It was so weird seeing all of that inventory going up, before we had really gotten past Christmas. Does anyone even buy anything for Valentine's Day before New Year's Day? I am sure the answer to that is, "yes." Is February really that close? It is shocking to me that September 2024 came and went. September 2024 marked a year that our estranged daughter stopped talking to us. February 2025 will be a year and 5 months. I don't always count it. I used to know the numbers everyday. Now, I just let the time slip by, and keep moving forward. When you can't do anything about your situation, and you are powerless to do anything, you focus on other things and move forward. Since she stopped talking to us, I have lost 37 pounds, and have been to Italy, and am planning to go back again. This time with Nelson. I started working in Nelson's office to help him, I became Mrs. Chattanooga America, I have taken on more students. I workout, and take adult ballet. I am learning to take care of myself. I am learning to forgive, and let go. I have begun a new habit. Every time I think about my estranged adult daughter, I pray this prayer, Numbers 6:24-26, "The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face to shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace." This prayer is a much better use of my energy, than dwelling on the fact that she doesn't speak to me. God is with me everywhere I go, and I am not alone. I want her to be blessed. I want to see her flourish. I made some good decisions in regards to boundaries too. Anytime I see something on Social Media that causes me to stumble backwards and start thinking about how she doesn't speak to me, I just block it. Nothing good comes out of staring at it, and dwelling on it. I can't control anything that anyone else does. I can control what I do. I'm done with being offended by other people and their words and actions. I spent the better part of 2024 feeling sorry for myself, and putting myself through pain. I do not want that in my life anymore. I want to know that I attract good things, not bad. Epiphany, manifestation. This whole estrangement has helped me to workout my faith. I have begun memorizing more scripture. That helps me to put God's Word in my mind, instead of the negative voice that wants to convince me that I am not worth my own effort, or anyone else's for that matter. I have started with Psalms 139. I want to be able to draw on God's Word all of the time. It makes a huge difference. Just like working out at the gym, my faith needs to workout too. Faith is more that just, 'believing," it is KNOWING. What I know is this...God is at work in this estrangement. I don't see or know how He is working, or what He is doing, or when He will end it. I do know that He is doing something good. Even if it doesn't happen the way I want it to happen, I trust Him. I haven't understood a lot that has gone on in my life. I am sure as you are reading this you feel the same way. I have tried and tried to understand the things that have gone on, and the things that have happened, including this estrangement. Nothing ever makes sense. That is where faith and trust in God comes into play. It is what is sustaining me. I don't have to understand. I no longer attempt to understand the estrangement between our adult daughter and us. I do trust God to walk with us, and take us through this situation. I don't have it altogether yet. I don't think I will in this lifetime. However, the road that I am on now is better, and worth the work that it takes to walk it. I am grateful. Please keep praying for us. Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below, Nelson and I would love to hear your story! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #therapy #faith #epiphany #memorizescripture

It is New Year's Eve 2024. The last day of the year that has passed. Every single day seemed a struggle. People are talking now about their resolutions. The definition of resolution is, "A firm decision to do or not to do something." ,(Oxford Definitions). A firm decision...How many of us really make a firm decision. Think about it. How long does your firm decision last? My firm decision sometimes lasts. More times than not, I end of self-sabotaging. My firm decision this year is to NOT self-sabotage. I have been rewatching the series, "The Chosen." It is on Prime Video. It is an excellent series about the life of Jesus and His Disciples. The thing that strikes me the most is how much scripture that they all know and study. It is helpful to me to watch this series. It keeps my mind on the right things. It helps me to know that I can move forward, and that Jesus is with me. I am never alone. Having Complex PTSD, Vestibular Migraines, Seizures, Balance Issues, being a fall risk, and the list goes on and on, plus the anxiety and stress of being estranged from my adult daughter, is overwhelming on a day to day basis. I need Jesus every hour of every single day. In Psalms 139:8-9 NIV it says, "If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there." I cannot tell you how many times I have made my bed in the depths, but this says, He is there. Psalms 139:11-12 NIV, " 'If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." What is my New Year's resolution, my firm decision? I am going to memorize scripture. I need these words in my mind and heart. To know God is with me everywhere I go, and every moment of every single day, is a comfort and gives me strength. I admit, many times I keep my focus on the wrong things. No matter, now long this estrangement lasts, God is with me. God is with my daughter. She may be keeping herself silent, and at a distance from me for now, however, she cannot keep herself from God. So, I pray. I pray blessings for her every single day. Make no mistake. Today is a hard day. The enemy wants to thwart every positive step I take. He wants to thwart everything that any of God's people do. He wants us to stay oppressed, and depressed. God wants us to know the joy of His love and healing and peace. I have goals to meet, and people to bless. I don't have time for the nonsense of the enemy. I will be reminding myself of that every single day. I know, I keep saying that over and over in this blog. I want to emphasize how important it is to keep God's word in front of us at all times. You may or may not have a relationship with Jesus. Your faith my lie somewhere else. I do not know. I have no way of knowing who reads this blog and who does not, unless you subscribe and follow. I would love for you to do so. If you choose not to, that is ok too. I am simply sharing what Nelson and I are doing to keep moving forward and heal during this time that we find ourselves waiting. On another note...I am still working on all the things required to become Mrs. Tennessee America. I have lost 36 pounds at this point. I am working on losing 10 more. I am toning up, and working the plan that my trainer has set out for me. If you need a great trainer, her name is Sky Smith. You can find her on @lemon8unitedstates @skysmitfit. Lemon8 is an app that is taking over for TikTok, because of the TikTok ban that begins in January. You can also follow me for my Mrs. Chattanooga on the same forum at @mrs..chattanooga. I would love to see you there! Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below, Nelson and I would love to hear from you. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultdaughter #scripturememorization #newyearsresolutions2025 #happynewyear #mrschattanoogaamerica #mrstennesseeamerica

Today is December 27, 2024, two days after Christmas. Nelson and I survived. All the plans and festivities that led up to Christmas are over. I love Christmas and all of its busy and hustle. I love the lights, and the cheer. This year was harder. For the first time, our estranged adult daughter was not here. There was no phone call, or even a Merry Christmas text from us to her or from her to us. Her stocking did not hang from our mantel. There were no presents for her under the tree. I have spent the past day or so working on mending my heart. My heart needs a huge band aid. At first, I thought I could handle it. I had been dealing pretty well over the past couple of months. She is an adult, and neither Nelson, nor I chose this path to walk. She did. I had come to grips with that, (or at least I thought I had). Maybe, I have, and Christmas just poked a hole in my healing heart. I'm just not sure. As Christmas day went on, and we were closer to the late afternoon, (that is when we celebrate our Christmas with Nelson's mom and our other two adult children), my anxiety grew. By the time my son and my future son-in-law showed up, I was near a full blown panic attack. I could barely breathe. I felt like I was going to explode. Our adult daughter came, and I had to sit down. I used box breathing. I prayed out loud, "Jesus, help me!" Then I heard my therapist's voice, "Crystal, you don't have to battle this, you can take something to help. Don't suffer." I was grateful to God for reminding me of her words. I took my medication. Pretty soon the anxiety dropped and I felt normal again. We opened presents, read a Christmas Story, ate dinner, played games, and laughed. It ended up being a wonderful evening. I am thankful, and blessed. Yesterday, my children's paternal grandmother had to go to the hospital. Her blood pressure went up. They all rushed to the hospital with her. She ended up being fine, thankfully, and they sent her home. This made me start wondering...When someone has a physical ailment, understandably, we all rush to the aid of the person to show concern and support. However, when someone has a mental and emotional ailment, we distance ourselves, and leave them to their own devices. Don't both of these events need the same amount of support and concern? Doesn't the person that is having anxiety, depression, or suffering a loss need someone to check on them and show up for them as well? Isn't that what Jesus did, and still does for us? He came to heal the blind, the sick, the lame, AND to heal and be near to the grieving and the broken hearted. Everyone in my family is feeling a part of this brokenness. Nelson's mom would like to have her whole family together in one place. My adult son and daughter, in order to spend time with Nelson and me, have to leave their beloved sister to do it. Their Dad, stays away, and is silent and distance. He speaks to our adult children and spends time with them, however, has no support to give to me, as the mother of his children. It wasn't always that way. We were friends. We had remained friends, even though divorced. Now, I can barely get two words from him. The whole dynamic of our family has shifted. I know it will never be the same. For now, I am sad about it. We are in a very hard season. Do I believe that things can change? Yes. Do I believe that God is working for our good in this situation? Yes. Is this taking a huge amount of trust and faith from me? YES! My faith is growing every single day. Just like my dogs follow me from room to room, I am following closely to Jesus. I am asking him to heal my mind and my heart. I am asking for Him to help me forgive and love unconditionally. I ask Jesus to meet my estranged adult daughter where she is at, and heal her as well. I do not know her anymore. I trust Jesus with that part too. Walking in faith is work. It means doing hard things. I am angry at this situation. Choosing to love anyway is definitely doing a hard thing. Forgiving over and over and over, every single second, is a hard thing. Please pray for us during this time in our lives. We need the love and support. Please know you are loved and enough. Comment below and let us hear your story. We would love to hear from you. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #brokenhearted #forgiveness #christmasfirstaid

I took a big pause in writing to give myself a break from overthinking about our entire estrangement situation. During that break, I was able to evaluate a lot of different emotions and thoughts. I also have lost 27 pounds during this time period as well. I am getting a better handle on everything, and feel so much better about our life, and how things are going. Nelson has been a wonderful support. Family Therapy is going well. We have worked through so many issues, and are working to listen to each other. I am learning to emotionally regulate a bit better. Nelson and I will be going to Virginia in a couple of weeks to see our daughter, Rosemary, starring in the musical, "White Christmas." That will be a wonderful weekend. I feel like I am starting to ask myself the right questions, and work towards having the life that Nelson and I want to live. I have drawn some hard boundaries for myself. These boundaries are helping to protect me from situations in which I do not want to be involved. This is a gift to myself as the holidays start in a couple of days. I have put a lot of thought into the holidays. Nelson and I have had to decide what we envision our Thanksgiving and Christmas looks like, especially since it has shifted so much. It used to be really large. Growing up, I had my family, extended family, and friends over. There were around 19 or 20 people who would attend. Mama and Daddy's house would be full. Over the years, things have changed drastically. Now, it is just Nelson and me. Our son, Jacob, will be joining us on Thanksgiving Day for lunch. On Christmas Day, Rosemary and Jacob will be with us Christmas Evening, as well as Nelson's mother. Not exactly, what I dreamed of occurring a long time ago. Now, I use a technique called, "Radical Acceptance." That means that no matter what, I go overboard to accept the situation, and understand that I have no control over it. Radical Acceptance is what it takes in this estrangement with our Adult Daughter. I have never been afraid of change. Change is not the problem. It is the great loss of a relationship with our daughter. I have decided that at this point, I have two adult children left and I am going to enjoy them. I am making a conscious choice to have joy and thankfulness for the adult children I have in my life, the two that have decided to stick it out, thick or thin, and love unconditionally, because our family is worth the work. It is not easy work. It is worthwhile work. I am putting my effort into knowing my son and daughter as adults and being content, knowing that I am blessed to have them walk beside me. Nelson and I are blessed. I have mentioned before that I lost a son, years ago. It was devastating. I didn't think I could survive, losing a second child. I can say, that I am surviving, and beginning the thrive. One step at a time. The one thing that helps is the fact that I know my time here on Earth is temporary. All things in life are temporary. One day, I will be in heaven, where all things are made new, and there are no tears or pain. I will see my adult children there, including my estranged adult daughter, and there will be no more problem. The issues will be gone, and I will be able to spend eternity with all four of my children, in peace and joy. That is worth the wait. Time flies so fast. I look forward to that day. For now, I move forward, and continue to love the family that is in front of me, and find joy with them. Our holidays will not be sad. We will celebrate the birth of Jesus, our Savior, with great thankfulness. My husband asked me over this past weekend, if I missed our estranged adult daughter. I answered, "No." I don't miss her. I know, that sounds awful. Truth is hard sometimes. I have had to pack all the memories, all the things that have caused me excruciating pain this year, in the boxes of things I don't need, but need to keep, and store them for the time being. All her photos have been taken down in our home and put away. It helps me to move on. The door is not locked, it is just closed for now, and the light is off. If and when she decides to return, she will need to start by joining us in family therapy. I am not open at this point to have a conversation with her outside of family therapy. The pain is too great. I need a neutral party involved to walk us through it. I am open to reconciliation with her. I am just not open to putting myself through anymore trauma. I am enjoying the calm and peace I have received from God, when I made the decision to pack everything up and put it away. My time for mourning for her is over. She has made her decision, and I pray she is well and healthy. I know she is out there, I am just not responsible for her or her decisions and actions. For us, she is gone, by her choice. That chapter of our lives is over, and a new year is approaching, with all the hope and thoughts of a life that is shiny and new, and full of wonder. One more thing... Do I have hope that she will return and want to reconcile? No, I don't. And for me, that is a healthy mindset. Any hanging on to hope, is just a form of keeping myself in the past. That is something I cannot do. Radical Acceptance. She knows the way home. Thank you to my friends, Eugene, Angie, and Preston. You are my rocks, and shelter in the storm. You lift me up, and have carried me when I could not stand. I love you. In the meantime, I plan to make this holiday season awesome! We are good. We are grateful. God is good, all the time! Know you are loved and enough. Comment below! Nelson and I would love to hear your story! #estrangement #homefortheholidays #grateful #lovethefamilyinfrontofme #estrangementwithadultchild #radicalacceptance

I honestly do not know where we go from here. I do not think Nelson knows either. I really don't think that anyone knows. Right now we are living one day at a time and doing the very best that we can. Sounds bleak, right? It isn't. I think that we are finally at a point in this strange estrangement that we can write something new. We are entering a new space and walking a new path. We have no idea where this new path is going to lead us. It is scary and exciting at the same time. We are learning that we can live full lives, filled with love and laughter, and joy without our estranged adult daughter. Right now, I am at Nelson's office. Nelson is a Health Insurance Agent. He used to tell me that he did NOT want to sell health insurance. Be careful what you say. Now, we are sitting in his office, contacting people, and helping people find the best coverage for themselves and their families. The people here are fun, and the atmosphere is nice. Not much drama, just people working hard towards their personal goals, just like us. I like everyone here, and I like assisting Nelson. That was his idea. In the struggle of our adult daughter choosing to cut off communication with us, I was very depressed. Nelson thought it would be a good idea for me to come in and assist him. I started coming to the office with him. I found I like it. I like being around people who care, and want to do the best job they can. I still have my students, and teach. I still sing. I think all of this work is good for me. Along with training for Mrs. Tennessee America. I enjoy doing that as well. The fog has lifted from my depression. Although, I still get anxiety. I had a lot of anxiety today. It comes and goes. At least it is not coming because I feel that losing my adult daughter is a tragedy. I am finding it is not. A tragedy is what happen to Western North Carolina, during Hurricane Helene. My adult daughter deciding to stop communicating with us, is a bump in the road. I am learning to put it in perspective. If I look at it from an eternal view, this isn't even a blip on the radar. God knows what He is doing. My trust is in Him. I have spent a lot of time breathing today. I breathe slowly in for a count of 5, then out for a count of 5. I do that for 5 minutes, when my anxiety is high. Today, it was bugging me. I found myself holding my breath a good bit, as I dialed the phone. Then, I told myself, all is ok in my world. God loves me and is always by my side, leading me through every part of my life. I am grateful. He holds me in the palm of His hand. I still do not know where we go from here. Tomorrow will be a different day. I will take a breath, take a step, and trust God. The good part is that God and I are never estranged. Remember that you are loved and enough. Comment below and let Nelson and I hear from you. We want to know your story. #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #movingon #newpath #mentalhealth #mrstennesseeamerica

It has been a little while since I sat down to write this blog. I took some time away. I needed a little space from the estrangement subject matter. Sometimes, you just have to walk off for a bit, to gain some perspective, and examine your feelings and thoughts. I am working hard at healing. Healing is hard work. Healing is exhausting. Healing takes time. Healing takes doing the necessary things to promote your emotional, mental and physical well-being. You have to prioritize healing at the top of your list. This is what my list looks like, God, Healing, Family, Friends, Work. Yes, I put my healing above my family. It has to be above them. My healing affects them directly. I am still figuring healing out. It never comes naturally. In fact, it goes against my nature most of the time. So does my faith in God. I am finding that I have lived a reactionary life. Not always, but a lot of the time. My reactions come from trauma. Having Complex PTSD means that I have high anxiety, emotional dysregulation, avoidance problems, (especially in situation that I see as dangerous,or triggering), impulsivity, unwanted flashbacks, nightmares, frequent negative thoughts and emotions, excessive attention to the possibility of danger, (hypervigilance). It happens when people are exposed to traumatic events over and over and over. It changes your brain chemistry. After my mother died, this condition worsened. It is through working with my Trauma Therapist, and going to Family Therapy, and medication, that I am working my way to a better, healthier way of functioning as a person. I am sure that my Complex PTSD contributed to the estrangement with my adult daughter. I am not to blame. There is no blame. She has to work through her own issues. She is not to blame. I am sure she is just dealing with figuring out her life and how she wants to live it. I'm not going to lie, the estrangement with her caused a lot of trauma too. I am sure she felt traumatized and I know that I did. I'm sure Nelson does too. To be completely transparent, if my daughter called and wanted to reconnect tomorrow, I am not sure that would be the best idea for me. I know that I wouldn't do it outside of family therapy. Reconnecting with her right now would be very anxiety inducing and triggering. It is hard enough in family therapy, listening to the children that are talking to us, tell us about their hurtful experiences with us as parents and going through that pain with them. It is important for us, as a family, to create a safe space for each other. We need mutual trust. Right now, I don't trust myself to not have an emotional response that is too strong, should our estranged daughter decide to reconcile. I know her, and I doubt that will be any time soon. That is good, because I need the time. It will still be a while. "A While," is one of those phrases that is non-specific, similar to, "Soon." I know it will happen, I just don't know when she will be ready, or when I will be ready. I do not want to go too fast. I also would like to feel neutral when the day comes. No emotional dysregulation. This is where we are right now. On a fun note, I am now Mrs. Chattanooga America, I am losing weight, and am working towards the goal of winning Mrs. Tennessee America. I am competing with a Mental Health Awareness platform. I would love to have your support as I continue to work towards this goal. Support is always needed, for everyone. I will tell you more about how you can support me on this journey later. Please know that you are loved and enough. Comment below, Nelson and I would love to hear from you! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #mentalhealth #mrschattanoogaamerica

I have not posted a blog in a few days. I refrained on purpose, there has been so much happening. Hurricane Helene devastated the area of North Carolina that my family and I lived in for 28 years. It affected friends and family. It put so much into perspective. So many lives have been lost due to this hurricane. So much has been destroyed. The volunteers are still working to reach people. That definitely needs to take top position in our thoughts and prayers. I feel that my little feelings about the estrangement from our adult daughter can be put on the back burner for now. Other people have lost loved ones. People are looking for the children. Children are looking for their parents. There are people missing. I have been observing so much pain. It certainly makes me take a look at what I have, and how blessed I am. In the midst of this, a long time friend reached out to me. She had seen this blog. She shared her experience with estrangement with me. It was such beautiful blessing to have someone else say, "I understand, I have been there, I'm here, I get it." I am so very thankful to her. To know you are not alone is a great relief. I know that God is always with me. I know that God prompted her to reach out to me. It is God saying, "I am here, and I've got you." He cares for each one of us, where we are, in the midst of our pain. He is with each and every person working to help the people who were hit by Hurricane Helene. He is with each and every person that has been affected by the storm. Then, He is with me. That is the great thing about God, He is omnipresent. He can be everywhere, all at once. My friend told me that they are moving forward, and she and her husband learned to be fine and live joy filled lives, with or without their children. That is exactly what Nelson and I are learning. It is good to hear that from someone else. They too went to counseling and worked on their lives, just like us. After something traumatic happens, we scramble for a sense of normalcy. We feel as though nothing will ever be right again. It is true that nothing will be the same. Just like with Hurricane Helene, the landscape gets changed. Even rivers changed their course. Trauma does that in our lives. Radical acceptance has to happen. We must radically accept that our lives have changed. However, that does not mean there can never be joy again. That does not mean that our lives will not improve, and get better. We have no control over the storms that roll in and wreak havoc in us and around us. It is how we respond to it that matters. I want my life to get better, so I must work on myself to improve, and forgive as much as possible. When our lives are destroyed and we lose everything around us, we get to decide what we want to keep and what we need to release. In the case of Helene, so many homes, possessions, and lives were taken. I do not know what the people have chosen to keep and release. The position they are in is beyond my understanding. I do know that it is still the choice that has to be made. In our estrangement with our adult child, I have chosen to release the disappointment, regret, and anger. I have to choose to forgive. I have to choose these things, over and over, every single day. It is not, "One Size Fits All." Everyday, I wake up and know that I am still estranged from my adult daughter, and everyday, I choose to walk a different road, and concentrate on improving myself, living differently and forgive. Nothing will ever be what it was before. The good thing is that I know that I am not alone. There are others that understand my pain and have reached out to help and offer support. Just like those who are helping people who have survived Hurricane Helene. Now, there is Milton coming to Florida. It is a bigger storm. We know it is coming. Pray for the people who are in its path. Be ready to let them know they are not alone. It will cause trauma, and those of us who understand trauma can help, even if it is simply to say, I am here, you are not alone. Please know that you are loved and are enough. Comment below, we want to hear your story! #estrangement #estrangementwithadultchild #hurricanehelene #youarenotalone #helpothers #mentalhealth #familytherapy #showup